Movie Meltdown - Episode 142

This week features the first half of our coverage from ScareFest including an interview with LEA THOMPSON!!!! Which really just becomes a vocalization of Bryan’s big, sappy, teenage crush on Lea. A flame that is still burning to this day. Mushy and embarrassing? Yes. Does it stop him? No. Luckily Lea is a kind and understanding sort who takes pity on this poor fool and then goes on to talk about some great movies.

All that plus a stop at a peddler’s mall and even dinner at The Parkette - a 50’s drive-in diner. All before our discussion on this week’s Sofa Theater feature: Mutants. A French horror movie about zombies, except it’s not really zombies because they are infected with a virus and then never actually die…so I guess they become Mutants? Ehhh, we’ll cover the rest during the episode.

And somewhere around the discussion of fried bologna and other galactic funk, we also mention…excuse me you have a squirrel in your eye, They Might Be Giants, They Live, Amber Heard’s bitter sister, Man or Astro Man, rounding down, Freaked, 28 Days Later, a Muhammad Ali boxing puppet, John Leguizamo, that guy has child-bearing hips, Veronica Mars, Hayden Christensen, Detention, artsy Amber Heard videos, seeing Kid Rock live, Vanishing on 7th Street, trying to ditch the annoying kid, one of the great bombs of all time, are you tasting with your eyeballs?, Cold Prey, Tenacious D, Bryan is Lea’s density, Steve Guttenberg’s convincing as a child molester, is a smoke bomb a good idea?, Felissa Rose, holding the Sword of Omens, 15 paintings of Amanda Jones, The Phantom, teleporting musicians, Stubbs the Zombie, I wish this movie would vanish out of my brain - because it sucked, hairless cats with four nostrils, the first day of shooting…we were ten days behind, The Beastmaster 4 - Dar goes to Space, odd on-screen romances, pulling your own teeth out, Tonka toy adventure sets, working as part of the creative machine, an interview with Alfred Hitchcock, Switched at Birth, puma-people, cars with eyelashes, Twinkies…a healthy diet in a post-apocalyptic world, they got boogie in their space pants, the poor man’s Riddick, breaking dancers legs, Popular Photography magazine, Zach Galligan, being stuck by yourself, sneaking off to Germany, and getting hi-fived by Lance Henriksen.

Spoiler Alert: Spoilers for They Live, Veronica Mars, Vanishing on 7th Street, and probably some other movies as well.

“…which sometimes does that in life…you know, the thing you want most, is not really the thing you‘re supposed to do. “

Movie Meltdown - Episode 141

Join us this week as we bring you our geek activities and this week's Sofa Theater feature: Charley Varrick. An interesting and under-seen movie directed by Don Siegel that features... a bank robbery, Joe Don Baker, an airplane vs. car chase scene, Joe Don Baker, explosions, Joe Don Baker, great supporting characters, Joe Don Baker, and a slightly disturbing James Bond-like sex scene featuring Walter Matthau?? WTF indeed. Plus we talk to the film's co-star Andrew Robinson about his thoughts on the movie!

And somewhere before the serious examination of misogyny in film, we discuss…Hatchet, Il Posto, Conan the Destroyer, Harry Dean Stanton, an inspiring educational movie, Olivia D'abo, Norman Fell, Playboy…the wickedest magazine of all, the generations of the suburbs, Wes Craven, Ice Cube’s mom, Rory Gallagher, Super, a little person giving out Halloween candy, keeping you boss’s picture on your nightstand, the first time I saw a full-grown naked woman, Movie Meltdown as therapy, Babysitters Beware, Adam Green, a fake foreign language, a bald girl, Escape from New York, being kind of loose if you’ve got a round bed. The Bicycle Thief, a killa frog, Wilt Chamberlain, the Playboy forums scene, I don’t believe in the Bell Witch, joining with a women, Roper vs. Furley, Music of the Heart, Ernest Borgnine, Fargo, insecure men, James Gunn, Three Stooges German, I’ve got nothing against pictures of naked women, a big build-up to a great letdown, the Playboy’s man’s man fantasy, Reservoir Dogs meets No Country for Old Men and why do women wear thongs?

Spoiler Alert: Full spoilers revealed for Charley Varrick, so go watch the movie now!!

“What have I been missing and how much do I not know…about what I’ve not seen?”

Movie Meltdown - Episode 140

We’re back! With the ridiculous news we’ve all come to know and loathe. Plus the return of The Grind where we answer the question “What cliches in movies drive you crazy?”

And as we coolly stride away from the explosion, we mention…Mel Gibson, Joe Eszterhas, it’s so Nabokovian, the fourth wall, George Foreman Grills, being a famous spy, hacking in movies, robots are the new zombies, kung fu vampires, Tom Sawyer, Judah Maccabee, charred by a fireball, alternate reality, hitting a fire hydrant, Bil Dwyer, jive-talking Jar Jar, falling off a building, Sucker Punch, The Dilemma, Mohicans with shotguns, poetry groupies, the least practical weapon, robot Zombie Aliens, what’s his name…John Updike, Shutter Island, the L-shaped sheet, Powder, the simultaneous orgasm, we’re almost in!, Diablo Cody, Aaron Sorkin, Kevin Williamson, Quentin Tarantino, Beetlejuice, the singing knife, evil twins, The Passion Of The Christ, Real Steel, switching bodies, Mean Girls, the relationship montage, Memento, cave chicks with shaved legs, walking away from an explosion, Chris Tucker’s 13 year run, Jamie Leigh Curtis IS The Cryptkeeper, Apocalypto, Michael Keaton, Huck Finn, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots, Friday the 13^th - The Series and getting mistaken for a God.

“It’s our own fault if we keep buying the tickets. We keep fueling this bullshit…”

Movie Meltdown - Episode 139

This week we go “off -the-rails” with ridiculous discussions that may or may not have anything to do with this week’s Sofa Theater feature: The Thing with Two Heads! Plus we wrap up with a truly heroic Marlena moment!

And while we discuss the Faulknerian exercise of having two heads, we also mention…loving cake balls, Harold and Maude, Final Destination 5, Johnny Suede, Columbo or Mannix? Kill Bill Part 1, Scream, old-time strong man, Bunny and the Bull, Jason Bateman and Ryan Renolds, W. Earl Brown, Mel Brooks, missing fairy tales, deep-fried Derby Pie, MST3K-ing your own movie, THE Siamese twins, the cop from the Village People, Tangled, a two-headed gorilla, what do mashed potatoes not go with?, Sam Rockwell, Archie Bunker, bending stuff, Joey Lawrence, Hobo with a Shotgun, a Yoda backpack, curry burrito, Cillian Murphy, hatin’ on Monk, there are rules at a tractor pull!, pistachios and bananas, Black Dynamite, why not finish out the basement?, a sideshow, Young Frankenstein, The Electric Grandmother, necksploitation, Rest Stop, Peacock, Bea Arthur, where is Lolita now?, the Wes Anderson American Express commercial, Robby looked good, being obsessed with Beauty and the Beast, being proud of Jaime Pressly, old west douche bags, singing with The Golden Girls, you black bastard, an Amish jack, a really boring, long episode of Dukes of Hazard, too much information equals a lie, a clever circus dupe, my trans-gendered neighbor, being pre-goth, the mulatto character is the loneliest character, things in jars, everybody loved Robby, Light in August, the least impressive car chase - ever, a Halloween promo-based thing, Garrett Morris is awesome!, Honey…I’m trapped under the shed again, a new sophisticated blacksploitation and the kid from “Hair” with nipple rings.

Spoiler Alert: I guess we kind of spoil “The Thing with Two Heads“…but then, the makers of the movie kind of spoiled it when they made it.

“Which one was he?? The one with the two heads?”

Movie Meltdown - Episode 138

This week we are back at our home base coffee shop for another addition of “The Caffeinated Movie Geek“. And yet somehow we still manage to get out of hand while talking about movies and other geeky activities. Plus we get a call from Reese Witherspoon!! Yes, THE Reese Witherspoon! Or we think so, hmmm?? You’ll just have to hear this one. Plus any episode that works in a spit-take - must be a good episode!

Plus as we devolve into talking about the TV wasteland, at some point we mention… Insidious, Dogtooth, the official “The Caffeinated Movie Geek” mug, The Planet of the Apes, The Orphanage, Stanley Tucci, the Santa Claus myth, Spaceballs, one of the greatest lost voicemails ever, Tarantino on King King, Tomorrow with Robert Duvall, the voice-over from beyond the grave, the awesomeness of Gilligan's Island, the Helena Bonham Carter factor, The Lovely Bones, willingness = sexy, Annette Bening, Sweet Sixteen, Marky Mark, the Rachel haircut, the principles of Hollywood negotiations and date rape, why would Santa be using the same wrapping paper as us?, an actress that never reveals herself, Tim Roth, John Carpenter killed my Santa Claus, different ways to be hot, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, that plastic tree in The Happening, going to Paris to see the Mona Lisa, Skeletor with fake tits, Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes, Jennifer Aniston’s face, Thora Birch, a depressing double feature, David Schwimmer - believable doofus, No Country for Old Men, Reservoir Dogs, a hard-working hobo, Planet of the Guys Who Look Kind of like Michael Jackson, a female Joe Piscopo thing, getting naked with Helen Mirren, and Mary Ann vs. Ginger - the battle continues.

“I live in like a Felliniesque day care…”